Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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