you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
