Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
