What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have post one night stand depression
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