Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
