I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I love having hate sex.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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