make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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