I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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