Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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