I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
