i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize