im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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