Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
