I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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