Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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