I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
