so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
