So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
