i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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