I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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