I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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