They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just high enough for therapy.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
