im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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