Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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