exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
