Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
