I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im six kinds of drunk right now
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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