You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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