doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
