I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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