Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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