i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
