the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
