A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wish my penis had a tongue
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
