Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
