The beer is more important than you right now.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
