What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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