Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize