thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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