I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Come see our sink grown plant.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
