He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just want nice things and good sex
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
