Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
