anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
ttyl tear gas
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize