i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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