I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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