You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am one with the molecules
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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