if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
