hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hippo gnu deer
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
