I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
