38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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