If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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