i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
