he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
