My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
