It's Friday. Sex?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
