I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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