you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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