Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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