Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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