FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
