it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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