I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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