Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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