Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
