whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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