that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize