Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
