Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
