This girl is more easily done than said...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
