I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
