he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
