sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
