Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
