Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
COCAINE IS GR8
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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