I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
