I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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