my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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