you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
