I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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