we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
