I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
