If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
