smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize