btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
