this boner is exhausting
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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