so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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