I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
