ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
