i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
