come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
