omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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