If i could tip my vagina, i would.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
