Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
