2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
