Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't turn off my feet"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
