My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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