highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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