Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
