Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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