i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Duck Duck Cougar?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
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