Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
