i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Small penises have feelings too.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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