i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
