Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
