So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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