Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
