4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
