no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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