just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
