Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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