I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
