i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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