Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize