Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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