You smell like stripper and shame
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
