If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
