using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
