just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
