We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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